Tag Archives: words of Wisdom

On Being Mindful

Little Things Make A Big Difference

In a previous post I referred to the overwhelming negativity and divisiveness we’ve all been battling this year.  As 2020 unfolded, with “all that’s gong on” I made a concerted effort to continue to pursue new ways of dealing with the world around us.

To make positive changes in my health, I joined NOOM * and, over a period of several months, have slowly and steadily lost 20 lbs.

To make positive changes in my attitude, to soften the urge to become cynical and depressed, I’ve adjusted my expectations of “what should be” to more helpfully, “what is really true?”

*Noom is a psychologically-driven digital weight-loss program that uses an app to deliver support from certified health coaches. Cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of talk therapy used in clinical psychology settings, is the basis behind Noom’s weight loss program

In the midst of these lofty efforts, I’ve discovered a new (to me) book to inspire me along the way.

Feeling Good – The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D. The subject of this book is understanding how cognitive therapy can help you adjust your mood, to see the world around you in a different, more hopeful light.

I hesitate to over-simplify the concept; it’s really so profound. But I will simplify the theory here that applies to not only lifting you out of depression, but also helping you make clearer, more sensible choices in general, including eating. Take a look at this handy table presented in the book.


According to Dr. Burns, this table outlines a technique that can be used to restructure the way you think about yourself when you have goofed up in some way. The aim is to substitute more objective rational thoughts for the illogical, harsh, “distorted” or “sabotaging” thoughts that may appear when a negative event occurs. The technique I’ve taken from this is to observe the automatic thought and ask yourself, “is this true?”

Remember this example just touches the very tip of a comprehensive and complex therapy process. The goal in this book is to substitute distorted or sabotaging thoughts to treat depression; but the very same cognitive therapy concept is present in the NOOM program for losing weight and another book that supports NOOM’s approach, The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D.

Dr. Beck’s book describes a program that teaches you how to talk back to your sabotaging thoughts in a convincing way, by questioning your automatic thoughts and asking yourself, “is this true?”

For example, when you hear a little voice in your head say “oh, just eat it; it won’t matter” you’ll be able to tell yourself, “yes, it does matter. . . I want to be thin. . .every time I eat something I’m not suppose to, it makes it more likely that I’ll give in again in the future . . .etc.” You learn how to replace your “distorted” thought with a more rational, helpful thought, leading to healthier actions and attitudes.

Lots of food for thought. Pun intended.

This approach of asking myself “is it true?” has prevented many an immediate meltdown this year. Some of the meltdowns come later; we do what we can! But I’m enjoying the fact that I’m not taking as much as personally as I used to. Baby steps to sanity.

Looking forward to 2021 – wishing everyone moments of sanity and more moments of health!!

Kathy B.

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Transition & Change

It has been quite awhile since we posted to our blog. And quite awhile since we moved back to Maui.  We are finally settling into our lives here in Hawaii and although we lived here for many years prior to coming back, the transition still proved to be challenging.

One of the most unsettling aspects of living here (and the same was true the last time I lived here) is that you make friends and then they move away. I guess you can say that about any place. But, it’s more pronounced here.

We made a decision to stay in the original home we bought and not move to the larger home we intended to purchase. The first home we bought is much easier to take care of, leaving more free time to enjoy our surroundings. We also made a decision to get off the career treadmill and work part-time. Kathy settled at The Maui Brewing Company as an Administrative Assistant 3 days a week, I went to work with

Maui Brewing Company

State Farm Insurance as a Representative from which I retired on March 15, 2019. I have since returned to my passion of being a Hana Tour Guide. I connected with Temptation Tours and conduct Hana tours 3-4 days a week.

Upper Waikani Falls
Luxury Limo Vans

 

 

 

 

We also retired the Pua Mele Art & Design website and our products are now offered  exclusively on  Etsy.  Give us a visit!

The weather on Maui this last year has been very wet. In fact it has been one of the wettest and coldest ( yes, we even had snow as low as 6,200 feet) years on record. Maui also had a very rare hurricane. Fortunately, the area where we live is protected by some large mountains and what we experienced was not much more than a very rainy and windy day.

Peace, love and happiness in 2019!

In This Month’s Issue

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Mindfulness

My Journey with Mindfulness

Ever since we moved from Oahu to Arizona in 1996, we’ve tried to keep the Aloha spirit alive, at least within ourselves, as a guide for how to live a better life. There’s no question that we all live in an over-stimulated and hectic world, trying our best to stay afloat, pay the bills and get’er done. We take on a lot of duties and responsibility, and lately, we’ve found ourselves in the midst of some overwhelming negativity and divisiveness.

It’s easy to become consumed by the anxiety all of this activity produces, and then easily lose sight of the things that truly nurture us and allow us to find a modicum of peace. We had always cherished our dream of returning to the islands, which did provide us with a focal point as we moved along. But dreaming wasn’t calming enough.

When I was feeling such intense anxiety a few years ago that I actually experienced heart palpitations on my way to work, I knew it was time to PAY ATTENTION. Notice I didn’t finish that sentence with   “. . .and DO something!” That is the key. I needed to stop DOING and start BEING.

I started to learn more about being MINDFUL.

Greater Good Magazine,  a publication from The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, defines mindfulness as:

“ maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.

This lens helps us to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

Piece of cake, right? I can do that!

We are such creatures of habit, caught up in the aforementioned goal-oriented chaos, it’s not all that easy to find the quiet.

Baby steps.

Taking baby steps works best for me to avoid becoming overwhelmed with something new. It’s actually helped me for years as an instructional designer, developing training solutions for performance issues in the workplace. Although it wasn’t referred to as baby steps; we called it “an instructional design methodology.” Instead of seeing an overwhelming training need and not knowing which of many options to use to develop a solution, I needed to break it down into. . . .steps. One of numerous versions of these steps in instructional design is called ADDIE – Analysis, Design, Development, Implementation, and Evaluation – five suggested steps to follow do delve through a training issue. This approach served me well in the corporate world to avoid outright panic.

Same approach holds for learning mindfulness. Baby steps.

My first step was to learn what mindfulness was and how it could help me.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

My first exercise was to train my focus on a single thing, a single activity, a single sensation. Sometimes a breathing exercise helps here. Focus on your breathing. Don’t think about the meeting you have this afternoon, what you’re going to say to the new boss, how you’re going to find the report you need for tomorrow, etc.

Draw your attention to your breath. Breathe in and breathe out. Baby steps. Focus on your breath. Nothing more. Notice where it comes from in your body – how does it feel to breathe deeply – where does that breath go when you exhale – does it come through your nose? Your mouth? Does your stomach move? Your chest?

Focusing on ONE thing has a calming effect.

I have to chuckle at what my first exercise was. I was frantically trying to get ready for work, washing and drying my hair, putting on makeup, deciding on what I was going to wear, being aware that I was running late, realizing that meant I was probably going to get stuck in traffic, making it impossible for me to get a parking spot near the entrance, forcing me to park far away and having to take even more time walking, fretting that the shoes I was planning to wear hurt when I had to walk too far, being late when I knew there was an important meeting this morning was not going to be seen positively by my coworkers or my boss, adding to the minor conflict I had with my boss yesterday, probably resulting in some kind of confrontation today, perhaps even putting my job in jeopardy, etc., etc. How am I going to get through this, to get’er done without screwing up?

Got to calm down.

Hair is dry. Got to put in some curlers. I looked at my basket of purple bristly velcro curlers. Here we go. I slowly reached for one purple curler, looked at it, noticed how pretty the purple was, and how scratchy the bristles were, grabbed a hank of hair, slowly rolled the hair around the curler, watching the process in the mirror, reached for a clip to secure the curler, secured it, looked at the masterpiece in the mirror, and then watched in the mirror as I gently grabbed another hank of hair, directed my eyes down to the basket to find the next curler, and deliberately and purposefully continued the procedure, mindfully noticing the purple of the curler, the scratchy feel of the bristles as I picked it up, the smoothness of the hair that I had in my other fingers as I rolled the hair onto the curler, the way I had to hold the curler so the hair would not slip out as I wound it up to my scalp, the feel of the clip as I slipped it into the side of the curler to secure it to my head.

Had to slow waaaaaaay down to do all that focusing, one curler at a time. But it was my start at understanding how to keep the anxiety at bay; to be mindful.

I realize mindfulness is so much more than focusing on one thing at a time, but this is how I helped myself re-direct my hysteria and random energy from ALL OUT THERE to JUST IN HERE.

Then, on my drive to work, I felt those annoying palpitations again. . . .what the heck??? I’m going to be late, going to never find a parking spot, the traffic ahead looks like it’s slowing down, something must be going on, now I’ll really be late.

Need to calm down. Need to focus, but still need to drive safely. I focused on my right hand on the steering wheel toward the top, my left hand on the steering wheel close to 10 o’clock, the distance between my car and the one in front of me, “I’m carefully driving to work right now. That’s all I’m doing.” Right hand, left hand, car in front of me. Driving. It actually made me giggle.

The palpitations actually stopped. OK, I’m onto something here. There’s something about this mindfulness stuff.

All of this is my way of showing how non-threatening or complicated it is to ease your way into becoming more open to the idea of mindfulness. Tip of the iceberg. Teeny, tiny tip of the iceberg. I have so much more to explore and learn, and look forward to the ongoing practice of trying to pay attention and not get lost in the cacophony.

In my next few posts I’ll include links to some fun and easy exercises to help you on your journey.

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