Pull My Finger Now

July 2015

From Staten Island, NY

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2015:

  1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
  2. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
  3. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW

And finally…..

4. Victoria ‘s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang

From Naples, FL

A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a development on Florida’s southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca area.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my “ask me about my grandchildren” T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap.

Before we know it, it’s time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch,  we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have  come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00. We’re usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner.

People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm,(you might remember the Seinfeld episode about this) but we get there by 3:45 because we’re late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of  mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we’re home, ready to watch the news. By 6:30 pm we’re fast asleep. Then it’s time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Bob Dylan said it best” “May you stay forever young”

Never give up and never give in!

From Anonymous On The Web

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck… –” and the farmer shot him.

Have a nice day!

Monkey Man
Mr. Mail Chimp

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