To all our friends and subscribers we wish you a very happy 2016. May the new year be filled with happiness and prosperity for you and yours based on your notion of the meaning.
For our first blog of the New Year we decided to re-post some of our favorite articles and postings from 2015. If you are a new subscriber you may be reading some of these postings for the first time. If you’ve been with us for awhile, thanks for giving them a second read.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
From Around The Web
Just sayin’
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Lost In Translation
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”
Pepsi’s “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave” in Chinese.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope”(el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).
Fall is finally arriving in The Valley of the Sun and none too soon. This is the most pleasant time of the year to be here and the snowbirds are beginning to arrive before winter sets in .
Oak Creek
One of the really good things about the fall season is knowing that Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice is back. Never tried it? Check it out!
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Fall in Arizona is also the best time of the year to visit the many arts & crafts fairs throughout The Valley. One of the best floating arts & crafts fairs is Briar Patch Marketplace. You can visit their website at: www.briarpatchmarketplace.com
If you have ever considered creating art using the medium of watercolor, Kathy B. has written an article on Getting Started With Watercolor. You can also view some of her work at: www.Etsy.com
We have added a wonderful fall recipe forStuffed Peppers that has been handed down in our family over the years.
And as always there are a fewJokes & Storiesfrom readers and from around the web. Feel free to contribute by email at:
Celebration of Halloween was extremely limited in colonial New England because of the rigid Protestant belief systems there. Halloween was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups as well as the American Indians meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included “play parties,” public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other’s fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.
In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland’s potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.
Divorced & Drunk
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
My Dog Don’t Bite
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, “Nope.”
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger’s legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”
Well, September has finally arrived and soon things will be cooling down here in Metro Phoenix. This has been a blazing hot three months with unusually high humidity. For whatever reason, the summers seem to be getting hotter.
Hope you all had a great summer wherever you live!
Hot Summer Sun
For those of you who never met our two dogs, I will be introducing them in a brief article called Puppy Love. A little bit about them and some things we learned from them.
You can also find a nice quick and delicious recipe for Caprese Saladthat looks pretty and can stand alone as a main course.
And as always there are a fewJokes & Storiesfrom readers and from around the web. Feel free to contribute by email at:
Okay, okay. In the last blog I indicated that I wouldn’t be posting again until after Labor Day. Well, as I am writing this (June 18th), the temperature in Scottsdale is 115 degrees (but it’s a dry heat, yeah, yeah, yeah) and the streets are mostly deserted. So, who wants to go outside anyway?
Old Town Scottsdale
Over the course of a few days, we decided to do a summertime sampling of some fast food joints to see what’s new, read Fast Food Fandango for the lowdown.
You can also find a great summer recipe for Baked Chickenthat’s pretty easy to make.
And as always there are a few Jokes & Storiesfrom readers and from around the web. Feel free to contribute by email at: [email protected]
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2015:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW
And finally…..
4. Victoria ‘s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang
From Naples, FL
A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a development on Florida’s southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca area.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my “ask me about my grandchildren” T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap.
Before we know it, it’s time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00. We’re usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner.
People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm,(you might remember the Seinfeld episode about this) but we get there by 3:45 because we’re late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we’re home, ready to watch the news. By 6:30 pm we’re fast asleep. Then it’s time to get up and start a new day all over again.
Bob Dylan said it best” “May you stay forever young”
Never give up and never give in!
From Anonymous On The Web
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck… –” and the farmer shot him.
A good part of the month of May was spent on Maui. Although this trip was primarily for business, we did manage to get some touring in and to check out some of the great restaurants, inns and resorts, some for the first time and some old favorites. We will be returning in October for what may turn out to be our last visit before making the final move.
Also in this month’s blog is a quick and easy recipe for broiled tilapia that is both healthy and tasty.
In ourPull My Finger post, we will be sharing jokes from around the web and jokes that you send in. Feel free to contribute by email at: [email protected]
A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. ”Honey, I know I made a fool out of myself at the party last night, so tell me what I did.”
”You got in an argument with your boss.”
”Well, piss on him!!!” said the man.
”You did. He fired you.”
”Well, screw him!”
”I did.” said his wife. ”You’re back to work on Monday.”
From Anonymous
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
From Lancaster, CA
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
This month’s blog is eclectic , to say the least. We are covering everything from martinis to musical instruments, recipes and jokes.
Before heading over to Maui, we thought it would be fun to write on a few interesting things to do and see right here in Arizona. Namely, The Musical Instrument Museum and a sampling of the best Martinis in town. Yeah, I know, it’s a tough job but somebody’s ‘gotta do it.
In our new Pull My Fingerpost, we will be sharing jokes from around the web. If you have a joke or funny story to contribute, submit it to: [email protected]
